Sri Pilah 1 College
Kuala Pilah, Negeri Sembilan
Dear Suicidal Teen,
I've heard your plea for help. Please do not do anything rash and reckless, bear in mind that I will not judge your reasons whatever they may be for wanting to commit suicide. I'm sure, whatever it is, that your life is far far more precious than your problems. I might not have the same experience the things that you have experienced but I was once a suicidal teen as well. In fact, it was less than a few months ago that I nearly attempted the same thing. It is a bit of a blemish in my life that I would not want to remember but I will swallow these tears that I might shed upon remembering those days.
It all began on a beautiful morning, the sun was ever so magnificently high and shone it's beautiful rays. I used to be a bright student, almost called a prodigy. I was born a bit smarter than the rest, physically weak and a slow runner. In fact, I was also quite slow in learning as well. The reason I was called a bright student was because my memory is slightly better than some, just slightly and that I was a fast learner in most things, I kid you not. Give me a bit of time on something and I assure you, I will be able to do it. Things began to change after that. I became complacent and lazy. Fully depending on said talent, I began to float through my school life. I would not study as hard as the others and was still able to get high scores. My parents weren't that smart in their childhood but they were able to become what they are today through sheer hard work and luck alone and as such nags and scolds me from time to time, stressing the importance of becoming perfect in anything that I'd do. It got worse as time went on. I kept crumbling under all that pressure, from the expectancy of my parents to be perfect right down to the other kids viewing me as a smart person when I know I'm not that smart. I began to resent being told that I was good in something. I hate praises and I still do but let me get to the point of my story.
I was once labeled as a semi-prodigy, not a genius that appears every few decades or so but one of the smart ones that people tend to look up to. I hated it but I somewhat enjoyed it a little. That was why when I crashed and burned, people began to look the other way. They began comparing me with other geniuses and even people they would not look at before. My resentment grew and I began to hate the world. I stopped attending classes and caused more problems for the two great people in my life, my mother and father. As the problems increased, so did their nags and the occasional scolding until my hate for the world was channeled towards them. We began a war of words and the occasional "Cold treatment" with each other. I began to feel unappreciated for everything that I've done for them and soon things began to spiral downwards. I could not do anything right and I broke. I know what it feels like to want to commit suicide because I've been there. It was a cold and lonely place where everything around me seemed so dark and that the bright lights and warmth would try to escape my clutches. The solution seemed simple. Take your own life. Dying is much better than being alone. The thought of death seemed so convenient, no more people who would give you condescending looks, failure would be the farthest thing in mind and all your problems would just fade away from existence. Yes, the simplest solution to a simple problem. Take out yourself out of the equation of life and everything would be okay. Well, let me just say that you are wrong! Death is never the way out. What made me noticed this is that when I almost committed suicide, I looked up and saw a mirror. I saw myself and my life flashed before my eyes and one thing kept appearing in my mind. God. He had kept watch over me and knew what I was doing, whether it was right or wrong. I began to realize that in committing suicide, I do not believe in Him as much as I should have because He had a plan for me for the future and that is all that I should count on.
That's right, God has a plan for you as well Suicidal Teen because He has a plan for everyone. Know this, when all else fails, He does not because God never fails. Your life is His gift to you. You are not a problem, you are a miracle that he bestowed upon two people who loved and cherished you. I'm a science student and I can definitely say that birth in itself is a miracle. Why because the probability of you being born is really really low. Imagine, from countless sperm and the right timing of ova being created, you were created. Over a period of nine months, your mother did her best to keep you alive and safe until you came out of her womb and even then the chances of you being born is not as assuring. She withstood a tremendously high amount of pain just for you. They even kept you and fed you when there are other children and babies who were thrown out just because they were an inconvenience. So, I'll ask you now. Are you satisfied with that? Are you satisfied in throwing away something so precious just because things look bleak? No, You should not! You are never alone. Keep that in mind as you try to break out of this cocoon at this moment. You are not worthless and you will never be worthless. I am here as well as others that will help you break out of that cocoon. Grow from this experience and try to become something that will shock the world for turning it's back to you.
I'll leave you with 3 pieces of advice, try to express yourself a bit more. Take a step forward and you will be amazed by what you might find just by taking a step into the future. The future is always bright and embrace each and every new day with a smile. Positive thinking helps and smile through the hardships should you encounter them every now and again. Do not ever give up on God and the future. Another advice would be to pray as much as you can regardless of what your religion is. In Islam, because I'm a Muslim, suicide is the worst crime one can do because committing suicide means that you do not believe in Allah. Praying is the best way to find peace of mind in a lonely life because praying means that one is getting closer to He who loves you most. My final piece of advice, do try to express your problems to people who offers help. Do not keep your problems to yourself, if you cannot solve a problem then ask a friend to help. A genuine friend would never ever leave you even in the midst of perils and hardships. A moral support can be instrumental to your development so do not be afraid to lean on them. They too can surprise you in ways you cannot imagine.
With that ends this little letter to you, I do hope that I have helped you mend your ways because I believe that all lives are precious in their own unique ways so do not give up on things too quickly. Believe in yourself, God, the future and the people around you. Remember, you are never alone.
Hoping that you will try to mend your ways
Sincerely,
IMRAN BIN NOR AZMAN
(SOMEONE WHO LOVES TO HELP)
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